A closer look at what parents hope for, what experts recommend—and what helps kids grow.
Youth sports often come with matching t-shirts, chaotic sideline snacks, and a whole lot of feelings.
For parents, watching their child play is a mix of pride, nerves, and maybe a tiny urge to “help” the coach and referees see things a little more clearly.
But beneath the surface of all the practices, tournaments, and car rides home lies a bigger question:
What are we really hoping our kids get out of all this?
It turns out that the question has different answers depending on who you ask—and not all of those answers are equally helpful.
What Parents Think They Want Kids to Learn
Most parents want good things. That’s not in question. But sometimes, those good intentions get tangled in sideline anxiety and future expectations.
Here’s what many parents say they want their kids to gain from sports:
- Confidence
- A sense of belonging
- Better fitness and health
- Learning to work hard
- Discipline
- College scholarships
- Recognition
- “Toughness”
- A chance to be the best
These aren’t bad goals, per se—but some of them are better for the long game than others.
What Experts Say Kids Get from Sports (If It’s Done Right)
Psychologists, educators, and coaches with decades of experience often emphasize a different set of outcomes—less flashy, but arguably more foundational.
According to the Aspen Institute’s Project Play, Positive Coaching Alliance, and leading child development experts like Dr. Jean Côté (Queen’s University, Ontario), youth sports should primarily foster:
- Enjoyment
- Social connection
- Resilience through failure
- Goal-setting and perseverance
- Accountability to self and team
- Emotional regulation
- Character development
- Intrinsic motivation
In other words: less about winning, more about growing.
When kids enjoy the experience, they’re more likely to stay active, stick with it in the long term, and carry those benefits into adulthood. The National Alliance for Youth Sports estimates that 70% of kids quit organized sports by age 13, often because “it’s not fun anymore.”
Beliefs That Help (and the Ones That Don’t)
Let’s break it down by category—what beliefs help kids thrive, and which ones tend to backfire.
Healthy, Helpful Beliefs:
“Sports are a place to grow, not just perform.”
Growth mindset beats fixed mindset every time. When kids learn that effort leads to improvement—not just natural talent—they build confidence that lasts well beyond the season.
“It’s okay to fail here.”
Sports are the safest place to mess up. Let them. A missed shot or a botched play is a lesson in humility, not a crisis.
“You don’t have to be the best—just your best.”
Comparison steals joy. When parents and coaches reward hustle, progress, and attitude over outcome, kids stay motivated for the right reasons.
“This is their game, not mine.”
Support, don’t steer. Allowing kids to lead their own sports experience gives them ownership and fosters long-term emotional investment.
Harmful or Misguided Beliefs:
“Winning is everything.”
It’s not. It’s something. But research shows that overemphasis on results leads to anxiety, fear of failure, and early dropout (APA, 2020).
“If they’re not pushing hard, they’re wasting their potential.”
Burnout is real. Kids need space to love what they do, not just grind for trophies.
“This sport is the ticket to college.”
Only 7% of high school athletes go on to play in college, and less than 2% earn athletic scholarships (NCAA, 2023). Sports should be the actual education—not just the vehicle to pay for it.
“Tough coaches make tough kids.”
Tough love isn’t the same as disrespect or emotional neglect. Today’s best coaches build kids up while holding them accountable—not tearing them down to build resilience.
Ask Yourself: What’s the End Goal?
Try this simple test:
If your child never played another game after this season, what would you want them to remember?
- That they felt proud of who they were on the field?
- That they learned how to handle pressure and bounce back?
- That they have a blast with friends and made memories that still make them laugh?
Or would it just be the score?
If your answers lean toward experience, growth, and joy—you're right where you need to be.
Final Thought: Sports Are a Mirror
The truth is, kids don’t just learn from playing—they learn from how the adults around them treat the game.
They pick up on:
- How we talk about other players
- How we react to mistakes
- Whether we value effort or outcome
- Whether we celebrate them or their stats
So what do you want your athlete to get out of the game?
If the answer is resilience, teamwork, self-belief, and joy—then you’re doing it right. Even if they miss the goal.
Recap: What Kids Should (and Shouldn’t) Be Getting Out of Sports
Healthy Lessons to Support:
- Enjoyment and intrinsic motivation
- Resilience through adversity
- Teamwork and social connection
- Accountability and character
- Growth over perfection
Misguided Expectations to Rethink:
- Sports as a scholarship plan
- Winning as the only measure of success
- Constant performance pressure
- "Toughness" through criticism
- Adult ego tied to kid's performance
Remember, if they can get through this without getting burned out, not only are they going to be better at handling what life throws at them, but they could very well have a sport that gives them joy for decades to come.